Hello soldier. That’s right, you are a soldier in a war against a strong and controlling enemy, AT&T Wireless. For as far back as we can remember, AT&T’s cell and data service have been atrocious (for the most part) with dropped calls and sucky 3G coverage. Verizon gave a hand in this fight with their “there’s a map for that” ads, proving to the world that AT&T’s 3G coverage is abysmal. Now it’s our turn. Fake Steve is leading the next phase in the war against AT&T with a foolproof plan that will bring AT&T “to its knees” this Friday. I oblige you to read this very important memo:
Subject: Operation Chokehold
On Friday, December 18, at noon Pacific time, we will attempt to overwhelm the AT&T data network and bring it to its knees. The goal is to have every iPhone user (or as many as we can) turn on a data intensive app and run that app for one solid hour. Send the message to AT&T that we are sick of their substandard network and sick of their abusive comments. The idea is we’ll create a digital flash mob. We’re calling it in Operation Chokehold. Join us and speak truth to power!
To reiterate Fake Steve’s orders: On December 18 (this Friday) at 3:00 PM EST, take up arms by whipping out your iPhone and running the most data intensive apps you got for one hour. It’s time to take a stand and show AT&T we are no longer going to stand by idly as they publicly spend money on anti-Verizon ads instead of beefing up their cell and data coverage across the nation.
Mission: Operation Chokehold commenses tomorrow. Soldier, be prepared and make us proud. I will report back with results after the mission is completed. Good luck.
UPDATE: An AT&T spokesperson has come out of hiding to share Ma Bell’s thoughts on our operation.
We understand that fakesteve.net is primarily a satirical forum, but there is nothing amusing about advocating that customers attempt to deliberately degrade service on a network that provides critical communications services for more than 80 million customers. We know that the vast majority of customers will see this action for what it is: an irresponsible and pointless scheme to draw attention to a blog.
Ha! Irresponsible and pointless scheme my rear end. Solider, do not let this lone spokesperson sway your thoughts. In fact, leader Fake Steve has responded to this latest attack:
I think the reason people are so angry goes beyond AT&T and the iPhone. I think the anger stems from the fact that we’re living in the United States, which used to be considered a First World country, and yet we’re dealing with a wireless system that feels like something you’d find in Port-au-Prince during hurricane season. In fact the developing world is racing past us, building out new wireless networks while we’re stuck with this POS legacy infrastructure run by POS legacy behemoths that either can’t or won’t bring it up to snuff.
He goes on to say that as far as he’s concerned, the mission is already accomplished! Word of Chokehold has spread to numerous blogs, the Twitterverse, and even the Wall Street Journal. Sure, word is out, but this thing isn’t over yet. Tomorrow, let’s show AT&T what we got.
[Via Gizmodo, here & here; Fake Steve]